As has been established, I really like cheese.  Almost as much as guacamole. Almost.

So I was quite excited to make Southern Pimento Cheese last night. I borrowed my friend’s Cuisinart. I went to the store and got all the ingredients. I began to prepare the tasty treat.

Alas. I forgot about the dangers of cheese!

You can’t use store bought shredded cheese for stuff like this. Oh no! You have to grate the extra sharp cheddar cheese yourself (white preferred, though a good orange Wisconsin extra sharp cheddar will get the job done quite nicely).  Shredded. By hand!

Of course, that would be a lot better if I had a better grater.  I pull out my little hand held one that I purchased back in college at Target. It has done me well. But it is old. It is partly plastic. It is from Targ-et.

I start to grate. I realize, quickly, that even in halving the recipe, I am going to end up with approximately three cups of shredded cheese. And that’s a lot. Suddenly, my counter is too small. Need a change of plans.

I pick up the paper towel, pick up the cheese, pick up the grater. I relocate to the kitchen table. What’s that? Whoops! I just dropped some of the cheese on the ground in my journey. I try to pick it up one-handed, only to lose more cheese. Oh no! Quickly, I forget about being clean and deliver the paper towel, the cup-ish amount of cheese I’ve successfully shredded, and the grater to the kitchen table.

La-di-da-di-da. Things seem to be going well now that I’ve switched locations. Then.  The block of cheese BREAKS IN TWO. Whoops again. Now there seem to be a few stray cheese pieces on the table. Oh well, I can just eat those bits. Nom nom. Cheese IS soooo good.

Oops. Now it seems that the paper towel I chose to grate over isn’t large enough for the amount of cheese I am shredding. It is over-flowing.  I go to grab a bowl and begin to transfer the shredded cheese into it.  I see a few stray pieces land on the table, but figure, hey! I’ll get them later. No worries.

I’m on the last cup amount of cheese.  It’s the home stretch!

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My grater breaks!  I should’ve guessed it would happen!

I’m able to hold the piece upright and manage to eek out the last cup of cheese, holding the broken bits of the grater together.

I reach the right amount.  Approximately Three cups of cheddar cheese. Huzzah!

I sigh.

Continue to make the pimento cheese, utilizing lovely inventions like a Cuisinart.

Then comes the transfering of the final product into a storage container. More cheese (gooey at this point) gets on the counter-top. This is easy to clean up.

The cheese goes into the refrigerator where it will stay until ready to be eaten. I smile. Mission accomplished.

I look at the table. There is cheese on the table.

I look at the floor. There is cheese on the floor.

I look in the mirror. There is cheese in my hair!

I clean it up. I Windex. I vacuum.

I go to the living room. I sit on the couch.

Wait a sec—there is cheese on the couch? How is that possible?

I go to my bedroom.  There is cheese in my bedroom? How is THAT possible?

I vacuum more. My apartment seems cheese-free. At last!

I open my computer to check my email.

THERE IS CHEESE ON MY COMPUTER!!! HOW IS THERE CHEESE ON MY COMPUTER?

I clean that up.

I just hope there’s no cheese mysteriously in my bed. Because no one wants to sleep with cheese.

I think the cheese took on a life of its own.

But it’s so good. And tasty.  And now I have yummy pimento cheese to show for my efforts. But I still have no idea how the cheese got *everywhere*….

Alas.