Whack!

It’s every girl’s nightmare—as her hair suddenly, without warning, drops across her face… and onto the floor.  It’s gone. No mas.  She looks in the mirror.  Eyes widen in fright.  She’s just had the worst possible thing. A thing that causes mass hysteria and tears in women around the world. She’s just had… a bad hair cut!

Now, to be truthful, mine wasn’t the be all end all extremely bad haircut. I just ended up somehow sporting a nasty pair of bangs (but lovely color job, I must say).  My vision is now impaired for what—months?  I get in my car, looked in the rearview mirror (while parked, I was driving safely), and instantly knew.  No matter how the hair stylist tried to sugar-coat it.  There’s no going back. I have short, ugly, blond bangs in my eyes. Bangs that make it difficult to even *see* my reflection in the mirror.  I have fallen victim to every female’s constant fear—the awful, uncomfortable, just plain NO FAIR ugly hair-cut.

The hair stylist took longer than expected. I look at the clock.  Not only does my hair look unattractive, but yes, I have missed the very thing to necessary to heal the residing discomfort—the planned Ashtanga Yoga Class I had wanted to attend.  I sigh. I grip the steering wheel.  I will not let myself cry!  Over hair? That is ridiculous and embarrassing. But. I sooooo want to.  It is absolutely hideous! Heinous! How did I get *bangs*???

Suddenly, my healthy post-yoga soup idea goes out the window. If I’m not making it to yoga? Do I need to detox with soup? I don’t care if Thanksgiving is coming, gosh darn it! I need something tasty. I need something quick.  I suddenly find myself turning, pulling into Evo’s.

Okay. Not the worst decision.  There is healthy food at Evo’s.  I can even refuse the fries (though they are air baked which always makes me feel they are so gosh darn yummy…).  But I cannot refuse the Crispy Thai Trout Wrap.  Of course, with 660 calories (not counting the extra sauce I asked for), this “healthy” wrap packs more nutritional negatives than a Big Mac.  Shhh!!!!  It’s what I want on a bad day.  Well when I can’t get avocados, that is. I’m taking a forcefully imposed break from avocados. (Though have only made it since what? Friday? And that is due to the fact that we are not in Hass Avocado season, Publix has become overwhelmed with a vat of under-ripe, expensive avocados and I refuse to eat the subpar Florida Avocaods.)  If it weren’t for that avocado hiatus, who knows what I would have ended up with?

That discussion remains for another day.  For today? It’s crispy trout, rice noodles, peanut sauce, and a spinach tortilla.

I take this quick emotional food home.  Has my apartment always had so many mirrors? Every direction, my ugly bangs are visible.  Like some kind of icky calling beacon of ugliness, mocking me with their bang-like erratic behavior and frequent vision impairment.

Thank goodness! I still have a bottle of “Pure Evil.” Chardonnay, that is.  Purchased for a mere $7.99 from Rolling Oats on 9th Street.  Not my favorite. But always fun and perfect for tonight.

I sigh again looking in my mirror. And thank God for the comfort of screw top wine and fast food fish. With crunchy noodles and peanut sauce.

At least, after a full meal in my belly and a grassy glass of buttery Evil Chardonnay, I know things will be looking up.

“Perfectly wrong?” That would be my bangs.  And the slogan of the Pure Evil Chardonnay. But even *with* perfectly ugly hair, a perfectly cheap, fun glass of wine and overly unhealthy health food (with peanut sauce!), can make life be okay.